When Obsession takes Hold....

This is the last day of my three day “painting retreat.”  I went back to the studio after worship (it was Sunday).  I brought my journal with me.  I sat in front of the painting and took it in.  I moved back to the far wall and sat with my back resting on the wall and journaled for a while.  I wrote stream of consciousness about these paintings, about what was happening in my Soul, about what I was learning, about what I was running into.

When I was done, I decided to commit to the orchid.  I took it down and put glue on it and stuck it up on the painting.  It did not stay.  I put more glue on the painting and the flower and tacked it up.  Slowly, little by little, petal by petal I was able to get it to stick to the painting.  After about 1.5 hours, I was able to take the tacks out and the flower stayed put.

That was all I did to the painting that day.  The obsession happened off the painting on the studio floor.  An image of an orange arrow began to form in the vision.  I sat down, took the left over pieces of my chakra painting and began to form an arrow.  I decided it needed to be a double sided arrow so that it could hang in front of the painting.  I painted it orange. But the darkness of the painting still bled through.  And this is when obsession took hold....

It had to be orange.  I mean it had to be orange, no darkness bleeding through.  I sat and waited.  I moved it in front of the air conditioning vents to dry quicker.  Once I thought it was dry enough, I attempted to paint another layer and it got all tacky.  

So I squeezed a lot of paint on each piece and using a brush very gently escorted the paint around each piece adding more as needed until it was completely orange.  

Once I felt like it was orange enough I began to stare at the painting to figure out where this arrow was going to go.  That is when I became aware of my obsession.  I was obsessed with this arrow.  I had some hold on me that was not good.  There was an uncertainty in my Soul hidden behind the orange of the arrow.

I sat next to the arrow and contemplated it for a while.  I decided not to put it up.  It was way too wet anyway.  I decided to wait until Wednesday when I would be back to paint again.  Let it settle in my Soul.  Maybe that uncertainty and obsession would dissipate.  So I packed up my stuff.  I took pictures.  I cleaned up the studio.  And I left.

I went back to my friend’s house and began to prepare for my upcoming week of travel and craziness.  But that arrow would not leave me alone....

After dinner I found myself running errands and driving way out of the way past the studio.  I pulled into the parking lot on automatic pilot.  I put my car in park and sat there.  I gave in.  I gave in to this obsessive need to complete the arrow.  

I went back into the studio.  The paint was 90% dry.  I picked up the glue and glued the arrow together.  I knew I would not sleep if I did not complete this task.  Once it was glue together, that obsession began to dissipate.  The agitation I had been experiencing all day lessened.  I did not find a sense of peacefulness, but more of a sigh.

The arrow was not asking to be put up on the painting.  It was just asking to form completely.  That was enough.  I could continue the conversation next time...