This is the last day of my three day “painting retreat.” I went back to the studio after worship (it was Sunday). I brought my journal with me. I sat in front of the painting and took it in. I moved back to the far wall and sat with my back resting on the wall and journaled for a while. I wrote stream of consciousness about these paintings, about what was happening in my Soul, about what I was learning, about what I was running into.
When I was done, I decided to commit to the orchid. I took it down and put glue on it and stuck it up on the painting. It did not stay. I put more glue on the painting and the flower and tacked it up. Slowly, little by little, petal by petal I was able to get it to stick to the painting. After about 1.5 hours, I was able to take the tacks out and the flower stayed put.
That was all I did to the painting that day. The obsession happened off the painting on the studio floor. An image of an orange arrow began to form in the vision. I sat down, took the left over pieces of my chakra painting and began to form an arrow. I decided it needed to be a double sided arrow so that it could hang in front of the painting. I painted it orange. But the darkness of the painting still bled through. And this is when obsession took hold....
It had to be orange. I mean it had to be orange, no darkness bleeding through. I sat and waited. I moved it in front of the air conditioning vents to dry quicker. Once I thought it was dry enough, I attempted to paint another layer and it got all tacky.
So I squeezed a lot of paint on each piece and using a brush very gently escorted the paint around each piece adding more as needed until it was completely orange.
Once I felt like it was orange enough I began to stare at the painting to figure out where this arrow was going to go. That is when I became aware of my obsession. I was obsessed with this arrow. I had some hold on me that was not good. There was an uncertainty in my Soul hidden behind the orange of the arrow.
I sat next to the arrow and contemplated it for a while. I decided not to put it up. It was way too wet anyway. I decided to wait until Wednesday when I would be back to paint again. Let it settle in my Soul. Maybe that uncertainty and obsession would dissipate. So I packed up my stuff. I took pictures. I cleaned up the studio. And I left.
I went back to my friend’s house and began to prepare for my upcoming week of travel and craziness. But that arrow would not leave me alone....
After dinner I found myself running errands and driving way out of the way past the studio. I pulled into the parking lot on automatic pilot. I put my car in park and sat there. I gave in. I gave in to this obsessive need to complete the arrow.
I went back into the studio. The paint was 90% dry. I picked up the glue and glued the arrow together. I knew I would not sleep if I did not complete this task. Once it was glue together, that obsession began to dissipate. The agitation I had been experiencing all day lessened. I did not find a sense of peacefulness, but more of a sigh.
The arrow was not asking to be put up on the painting. It was just asking to form completely. That was enough. I could continue the conversation next time...