As I mentioned in a previous blog, I had thought I would be painting all my chakra layered one on top of the other. But that was not to be the case. The previous week, I picked up new paper for my heart chakra. This week, I choose new paper for my throat chakra. My heart was no where near complete. I had a great deal of work to do with that piece, so I could not paint over it, adding the throat chakra as a new layer.
So, I grabbed two pieces of paper and taped them end to end forming a long blank canvas to paint on. It felt like the energy of my the throat chakra was more vertical than horizontal energy; like it flowed up and down my body more than out into the world at the moment. That makes sense. I am still re-rooting after tremendous endings. I am still unsettled, unsure, foggy in my next steps in life. So up and down it is!
What is interesting to me is that I did not stop during my painting to take pictures of my process. I had begun a practice of doing that. But for the last two weeks, I did not. I resisted documenting the progression and process of these paintings. It makes it hard to blog on after a period of time. What it brings forth is the struggle and wrestling that went on between me and the paint and the paper and my resistance to what was bubbling up from my Shadow.
My teacher took some pictures of the process. This is the first one she took. As I look at it, I can feel the struggle and wrestling that went on in the first part of this painting.
I really wrestled with the flow of the painting. I began by flaming upwards green. Then moved into circles. Then finally moved into a waterfall of blue downwards with a purple circle. The purple circle started out very distinct then became more and more muted until it integrated itself into the fluidity of the painting.
Then black lines appeared distinguishing between the different flows in the painting. I spent time working on each different “section” getting each one to flow well.
I added blue glitter glue to the middle blue section. I worked the purple and blue together more in the top section.
And then the black lines began to bother me. They felt like they were separating out the flow of the painting, separating different parts of my Soul. I decided to use white circles to attempt to bring the painting’s flow back.
I carefully and systematically added a white chain of circles all along the black lines from the bottom to the top. I stood back. It was okay. But it was lacking something.
I stayed there and stared at that painting for a long time. I took it in. The white “chain” was not working for me. The black was separating all the flow of the painting. The painting was disjointed. Something needed to changed. So I took my fingers and rubbed them across the black and white and blurred the line into the painting a bit more, attempting to work more flow into the painting itself, to alleviate the separation that was there.
It did not really work. I stared at the painting. I stared at the paint shelves. I stared back at the painting.
I grabbed a huge round plastic platter and rolled black paint all over the edges and put a huge circle on the top right corner and another one on the bottom left corner. Then I preceded to create the purple star in the bottom circle.
The idea was great until it was done. When I stepped back, I hated it. It struck me strongly and negatively. I dug out the spiral next in a desperate attempt to “make it better.” As I expected it did not work. It made it worse.
The next attempt to make it better was to put more large circles down the painting bringing together to two large black circles. I started with a light purple and moved shades darker then back toward light purple. It had a pretty cool affect, but it did not take away that star and it did not bring the painting together.
That star. It was to stay. Time had run out. Once up, there is no taking it down. I was stuck with it, literally.
That star and I had to become friends before it would go. I had to accept it unconditionally into my body and life, accept it as part of me, then it went on its way -- though not in the way I expected... (More to come on that in future blog entries.)
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