I have found that journaling with my 40 Day Creative Process takes me deeper and deeper into my Heart. I journaled throughout my July/August experience. This time as I began anew, I changed my format to journal for this blog. I will be sharing parts of this journal with you all from time to time. Below is Days 4 through 10. In my life timeline, it is the week I started Spiritual Direction training. It includes the days just prior to and the days of retreat, as well as the day after. I am always amazed at how echoes from this process show up in other works and how other works, in return, echo into this practice. The organic nature of the Creative Process continues to amaze and entice me...
I began by growing the figure again, this time in green. Then a yellow heart in the figure. it wanted to shine forth. I pulled the yellow out and found that the figure and the hearts were also included in that shining. Then the yellow heart expanded to cover the entirety of the screen.
I continue to feel my heart opening and coming back to life anew. There is a bit of fear in that experience; fear of being hurt again; fear of failure; fear of risk. And yet, the fear is not overshadowing this growth, this transformation, this re-emergence of my heart.
I like that my Creative Self is focused upon constantly reminding me to expand my heart outwards. To let it so shine brightly in the world. To not hide it. To not fear what could happen. To seek the Light and emanate that Light from deep within my Soul.
I’m back in Philadelphia and drawing at the end of the day. It was too early of a start to a day of travel to paint before I left NH. So, feeling exhaustion from the days travel creeping into my spirit, I sat and gave my attention to my Creative Self. And this is what happened...
A purple heart appeared in the bottom corner and glowed outwards. It sent arrows pointing to the little figure in the opposite bottom corner, connecting itself to that figure. I found myself circling that figure in blue fireworks, drawing more and more attention to it again.
A reminder that even in exhaustion, love emanates from our beings; from my being. Love is the energy that will carry me through each day, strengthen me, focus me, drive me forward into my fullest expression of myself.
Blue squiggles started my morning between the two outer yellow hearts. Then that one blue circle echoed itself outward, growing to fill the screen, to touch each heart, to connect deeply with all that is there.
After some time, one single star appeared in the top corner. At first I left it blank, but it wanted to be filled in. After filling it in a few more appeared near that small figure.
That one large filled in star drew my focus to the morning. It is as if the circles echo right up to that star. There is something I need to learn from that star. It rests in my heart this day, awaiting the next moment to offer its invitation to me.
Today, I am off to begin my journey to become a Spiritual Director. I see that movement in those blue circles, that invitation to expand and deep my spirituality, to open myself more and more to all the dimensions of the Holy.
I am bringing paint and paper. I will work on another piece during my time there. I will process through paint and paper in the silence of the night. I am curious to see what that silence will bring forth here on this piece and on the piece I shall begin there.
I began with the star, early in the morning. The star wanted to echo outwards. Then it wanted light (yellow) to emanate out in its echo.
As I worked on the star, somehow I purple line appeared in the middle of my screen. I did not put it there consciously. But there is was. It was pointing to the yellow heart. I added a green heart overlapping the yellow a bit. Then that line wanted to become an arrow. I surrendered. The arrow wanted to grow, to become more noticeable. I followed its lead.
What struck me in contemplation was that there are two hearts: mine and the Holy’s. They overlap, one touching the other. I am struck by the safety of that. I am struck by the tenderness of it. I am struck by my desire the merge more and more with all that is Holy, with that Sacred Energy in the Universe.
That purple arrow focused me on that movement. What a blessed way to start a day!
That green heart expanded outward and filled the screen. I get the sense that is the Holy, expanding within me.
I used to pray this simple prayer everyday:
“Fill me with Your presence until I am empty of all but You.”
There is it. The Holy filling me with Her presence until I am empty of all but Her.
And that sense of the green being the Holy strengthened as I circled that tiny figure in blue and created an arrow pointing to the green heart. Pay attention Present ME to that movement of the Holy in me. Surrender to it. Welcome it. Allow the Holy to do Her thing within and around me.
The eraser arrows appeared pointing back to me.
It is a flow of energy from the Holy through me and back to the Holy. If I am open to it, if I empty myself, I will be transformed into the Heart of the Holy.
That is my deepest desire...to be transformed into the Heart of the Holy.
“Holy Love, fill me with Your presence until I am empty of all but You.”
Today began with a tiny figure reappearing in the green heart at its base. Then came the yellow surrounding the green heart. The star exploded more Light outwards. And the purple arrow grew deeper and stronger, adding some red tones to it. Finally red bubbles appeared in the bottom corner and began to encircle the right side of the piece.
I was struck later when looking at the figure that it is the same purple as the small figure in the bottom corner. As I contemplated this connection the feeling of sinking into the heart of the Holy and residing there bubbled up strongly in my Soul. The arrow strengthened that feeling.
I am noticing how the blue arrow points directly to that tiny little purple figure in the midst of the green heart. I am noticing how all the large figures that filled the screen have become part of the piece and are no longer distinct, seeable. I”m noticing how the green heart expands outward growing as it does so. I’m noticing how the purple arrow weaves its way amongst the green expanding hearts.
As I sat in Centering Prayer, I noticed this joy bubbling up again and again from deep within my Soul. I noticed how my mouth formed a smile with each bubble of joy, how my heart felt this strong sense of laughter fill it and how peace deep inner peace was left as the joy continued its journey upward and outward.
I am grateful for this invitation deeper and deeper into the Holy, into that Sacred Energy that continues to create and nurture and Universe. I am curious to see how my Creative Self continues to respond to that invitation.
This morning my attention was drawn to two tiny circles when I first opened the drawing. My Creative Self wanted to circle them and draw more attention to them. I circled the first, a circle at the base of the purple arrow. I used arrows to point to the circle in the middle of the star. The arrows came in the form of a star, which I thought was pretty cool.
Then the circles came. They started radiating outward and upward from the tiny figure at the base of the green heart. Then I flipped the drawing around and radiated circles from the small figure back to the figure in the corner.
I sat with it for a bit. Then my journaling began right there noticing what was happening as the circles radiated outward. I began to notice that it felt good to have the circles radiate outward and upward, like my heart and self was ready to expand and grow into the world; express my fullest sense of being. Then I spent some time noticing what happened as the circles echoed back toward that figure in the corner. It felt like a conversation between my spirit in “ordinary awareness” and my spirit “nestled in the heart of the Holy;” an invitation to deepen my spiritual connection to the Holy. It feels like a confirmation and affirmation of this journey I have begun to become a spiritual director