Lesson Two from the Obstacle....

My teacher sends us pictures of the painting so we can sit with it and reflect upon it for the week before coming back to paint the next chakra.  I had hoped she would neglect that ritual this time.  I did not want to see that painting each day.  I did not want to reflect upon it.  So when the pictures arrived in my email, I added them to my iPhoto and did not look.  Days went by, and I did not look.  I left them.

When I did finally look, I had a strong reaction -- revulsion -- to the painting.  I hated it!!  And I mean hated.

I know where that feeling comes from.  And the thing I have learned about this creative process is that the only way through that feeling is through paint and paper.  I knew I had to tackle Heart Chakra day #2.  I was not looking forward to that at all.  

I did not want to deal with that beam again.  So, I was overly happy when I arrived and the painting was down and folded up!  Yeah!!!  I would not have to tackle that beam.  But the Universe has a sense of humor and put me back in that same spot, literally, to paint that day.  Apparently the Universe thought I had not quite learned my lesson.

There was a difference though.  The spot next to me was full.  I could not hang the painting over the obstacle.  I had to keep it totally in my station.  That meant I had to change the orientation of the painting.  This was a cool idea to me.   I laid the painting on the floor and began to pace around it standing at one end then the other then back until I came to a place of which end was the top and which was the bottom.  Ready, I picked it up and pinned it on the wall.  It was a little too wide to fit in the space.  It went over into the window well and part of the window cill caused a bit of the painting to stick out.  I had to be gentle there when painting so as not to tear it.

I began with gold and put a gold circle in the top corner.  I added yellow to that circle to brighten it up. 

Then I turned to blue, many different shades of blue.  I went over the entire painting with the various shades of blue integrating them with each other, covering over the old blue, the grey (making an effort to not cover over the colored paper I had put there before)...creating a blue backdrop for the painting.  

Then my attention was drawn to the purple circle in the middle of the painting.  It had haunted me since the week before. 

I still felt that brokenness in my heart and wanted to express it.  The purple circle seemed like my heart.  I began to tear paper and make different colors and glue them to the circle.  The objective was to show brokenness and healing all at the same time.  But it was not working.  Things were getting all jumbled together on the paper, in my Soul.  Tears were rising.  I was going down, down, down.  Frustration was coming up.  This was not doing what I wanted it to do (which I realize is usually the case and the place where I learn a lesson).  

I had a “moment.”  By moment, I mean I lost it.  I got so ugh!-ed at my painting that I grabbed the blood red and covered over the entire purple circle and paper pieces and all.  Everything gone!!!  Frustration, anger, everything out of me... 

As I covered over the paper and purple I began to see where the torn up pieces belonged.  They belonged between the two circles, between the blood red and gold circles.  A spiral path started to form in my vision.... bright pink.  I grabbed the bright pink and began to create the path, painting and gluing each piece to the painting.  As I worked, I found peace.  I found direction.  I found inner silence.

Once the spiral was formed I began to take the path down toward the bottom of the painting.  The path was curving around the red circle when a green circle formed.  I stopped working on the path and followed the invitation to create the green circle.  I choose dark green and then lightened it up some with a greenish white.  Once done, the path meandered its way to the bottom of the painting, following the curve of the green circle.

I laid down and stared at the painting.  I took it in for the longest time wondering what was next.

My teacher joined me after I had been laying down for too long.  She checked in with me.  I was stuck with what to do next.  The only thing that came to me was fire; a flame of some sort.  Red.  In the bottom left corner.

Flames had been showing up in other work I had been doing lately.  Numerous flames.  I have learned that images migrate from one piece to the next until they work themselves out of me, until somehow I release their energy into the Universe and wish them well.  (I have not figured out how that happens, but it does.)

I grabbed a crayon and drew the flame on the painting, then I began to paint it in red.  It came up from the base, touched the blood red circle and wound around like a wave.  I ended up adding orange to it to bring more of a flame experience to it.

Then I began to feel the presence of those pink pieces of paper again.  I felt this invitation to create another spiral path from the tip of the flame, following the blood red circle, spiraling into the center.  So I started painting and gluing the pieces of paper onto the painting.  The paper did not spiral as I thought.  My unconscious had a different idea.  It burned upward in various lines of smoke from the tip to the top of the circle.

This is where I ended the night.  Those small pieces of pink paper unsettled me.  I had peace and inner silence until I began to work with the flame, blood red circle and those small pieces of pink paper.  The inner silence was gone.  And I was left feeling haunted...

I knew I would be back the next day, and the next day after that.  I had decided to spend the weekend painting my way through all the Shadow and pain that came with the endings in my life.  

So I ended for the night, trusting the creative process, knowing that I had just begun my work...