Welcoming my Unfreedoms

I have been sitting with my unfreedoms this week asking myself, “How do I find / how have I found freedom where there has been unfreedom?”

What struck me is that I have found freedom by accepting my unfreedoms as part of myself.  At first I fought that idea, kicking and screaming; swearing at God and those suggesting I accept it as part of me.

One day, I accepted the invitation to stop fighting my unfreedom.  I did that through paint and paper.  It was hard and yet, at the end of the painting session the painting was beautiful.  My unfreedom (my anger, my frustration, my fear, whatever) had not stopped the beauty from coming forth.

This seems to go against the goal of finding freedom.  However, when confronting unfreedoms the goal, for me, is to stay completely present in myself and not allow that unfreedom to chase me away.  So by welcoming and creating an atmosphere of inner hospitality,  I am actually disarming it, removing its power to hurt me or chase me back into my smaller self.

I welcome my unfreedoms. I loosely follow Mary Mrozowski’s  (a contemplative Catholic) Welcoming Prayer.

First, I sink into the feeling; into the unfreedom allowing myself to feel my unfreedom; to be immersed in it.  I stay present to the feeling paying attention to how it feels in my body, where it resides, how it is affecting my being.

When I am ready, I welcome the unfreedom/feeling by simply saying, “Welcome Intimidation.”  I stay in the space of welcome, imagining myself offering hospitality to this unfreedom, until I no longer have the urge to run/hide/ignore/suppress this unfreedom.  I find that my heart opens with grace and compassion for myself, I receive back my power, and my Light shines forth stronger and brighter.

Then, I let go.  I do this in many ways. Through paint and paper allowing the unfreedom to flow out of me.  Meditation.  Prayer.  Imagination: imagining the unfreedom being released.  Shamanic Journeying to the unfreedom.  Journaling.  Drumming.  Ceremony.

I let go through whatever medium I feel Spirit inviting me to.

In the words of the Welcoming Prayer:

“I let go of my desire for security.
I let go of my desire for approval.
I let go of my desire for control.
I let go of my desire to change any situation.

I let go of my unfreedom.

I open to the love and presence of Spirit and the healing action and grace within.”

And I find freedom; grace-filled vibrant freedom thanks to the transformational power of Spirit.