Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Sacred vs. the Critic

I paint regularly with a group of women, Intuitive Painting from your heart.  It is, for me a healing modality.  I missed the last session because I was on retreat.  My teacher gave me the topic the group painted on — My True Self.  She told me to quiet myself down and ask to experience the vibration of my True Self and then to paint that vibration.

I did that.  I journeyed to my True Self and experienced Her in powerful ways.  Then I began to paint.  My True Self gave me the place to start.  I started there.  I flowed with the painting for quite awhile until I began to feel tired like I could crawl in my bed and fall asleep.

I ignored it or a bit.  Then I decided I needed to eat — that was why I was tired.  Then I found myself reading, but could not keep my eyes open.  Then I found myself crawling into my bed, pulling a blanket over me and closing my eyes.  Then everything changed!

I closed my eyes and I heard an inner voice saying “Pearlescent White” over and over again.  I began to feel some energy for that color but did not want to get up.  Then the inner voice screamed at me, “Get up and put Pearlescent White on your painting!!!”  and I was flooded with images and reminders of the Critic.

The Critic is sneaky.  My painting teacher talks about how seductive and sneaky the Critic is.  She would tell us you can be painting along having a great time when all of a sudden you feel hungry and want to stop to eat.  The Critic!  Or you begin to get bored, or tired.  The Critic!

I had forgotten about the Critic.   When I paint in a group, the energy of the group feeds me, helps me continue to engage my painting.  When I paint alone it is a totally different thing.  It is my energy alone in the room.  There are no other voices to keep the Critic at bay.

So, I found myself seduced by the Critic!  The Critic was winning…

I got up and put Pearlescent White on my pallet and put it on my painting.  Energy came back a little.  I could keep my eyes open, but I was still exhausted.  Then I glitter glued the entire painting and was dancing with vibrant twinkly energy!!!  

The Critic is sneaky.  But my inner voice is stronger!!!  My Heart — my Still Center — that place where the Sacred Lives within me — is stronger than the Critic!

No matter what the Critic throws my way, the Sacred will invite and entice me out of the grasp of the Critic.  If that does not work, the Sacred will try something stronger — like yelling at me.  My Heart and the Sacred will not give up on me.  They will continue to companion me through whatever I am processing, working on, etc.

I can trust in that!  I can trust in the power of my inner voice.  I can trust that my Heart will not give up on me.  I can trust that the Sacred will continue to move with in me.  I can trust that the Critic will not win.


How about you?


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