Light has been a theme for the last couple of weeks in my 40 Day Creative Painting Experience. For the past 10 days it has exploded in that painting on my iPad.
I have not been able to get enough Light in the painting. I feel it exploding in my Soul. I feel it expanding my Heart, opening it once more to the world. I feel it opening my Shadow more and more to the Holy for reordering, cleansing, reclaiming. What I find most interesting about the appearance of Light is that it began when I sat for the first time in Centering Prayer. Each time I sit prior to painting, more and more Light comes in and through me, in and through the painting.
When I came to paint my Crown Chakra this time, I was curious to see what would happen. I wondered if the Light would migrate onto this painting. I wondered if I would be able to surrender to the Holy my attachment to this painting enough for the Light to appear. This painting began as a lesson in acceptance and surrender to the Holy’s presence in my life, so it seemed fitting that the final layer’s focus was about the presence of the Holy in my life.
I began by re-visiting that blood red circle with the blue swirl that I exploded the prior week when painting my Third Eye. It felt like it needed more Light. I got the twirly brush-thing and began to intensify the Light that was exploding. I brought it to the edge of the blood red circle. I began to feel my body relax and my spirit begin to open...
A purple swirl appeared in the middle of the circle surrounding the Eye that I had etched into it at the end of the previous week’s painting.
I added more Light, twirling it out and integrating that swirl into the explosion of Light. That felt better. But there was not enough Light. I needed, I craved more and more Light. The painting needed to shine forth with Light!!!
So, I turned to the top corner where I had put the star the previous week. I painted it white, hoping that would bring enough Light. (Notice how attached I am to what is there?) Well, the Holy has been teaching me to surrender to the Light in Centering Prayer. So, the only thing the Holy would accept, the only thing my creative spirit would accept, was surrender and unattachment to the painting.
I took a deep breathe and using white (yes white, even though it looks mauve) and covered the star and the circle. The white mixed with the blood red on the star and made it mauve. I began to pull the Light out from the circle, to swirl it out from the center like a hurricane. I added more and more white. I pulled out further and further... so far that the orange arrow was in my way. I turned the arrow at first, leaving it hanging; but when it was totally in the way I removed it and put it on the floor. The Light wanted to grow bigger and bigger. It wanted to be brighter and brighter, so I grabbed yellow-white and began to use that to enlarge the explosion of Light. I would put a good amount of yellow on the the spot and then begin to pull it out and down.
It really had a cool affect to me. I was struck by how it resembled a Dr. Suess flower, and yet exploded Light forth. Both.
I sat down and took it in. My soul wanted more. The Holy wanted more. Light!!! Light!!! There is still more Light to shine forth from this painting....
I turned my attention to the gold circle in the top right corner. I grabbed the brightest yellow I could find and covered the circle in it. I was generous with the yellow so that the gold would not seep through as much. I worked gently to bring forth more Light from that circle. Then I glitter-glued it with yellow glitter to make it sparkle. And it sparkles and shines brightly!!!
But yet, I wanted more Light!!! The only place for it to come was the bottom right corner, from the dark green circle next to the path. I decided to follow the same method and grabbed white-green and covered the dark green circle. Again, notice my attachment to the painting, my resistance of the real invitation to explode that green. I did not want to “mess up” the path. I was completely attached to that path, that unobstructed path.
But the Light wanted to explode. It did not want to be contained. Contained by the circle. Contained by the path. It wanted what it wanted!!! I had to surrender to the Holy’s invitation....
I continued with the green-white and exploded that circle right over the path, up the painting almost to the yellow circle, across the painting, into the blood red circle and blue swirl. I exploded that green circle as far as I could.
Then I sat back and looked at the painting. I missed the path. Part of it was missing. I wanted the path. I needed the path to be there. I wanted to walk amongst the Light.
I grabbed the magenta and painted the path’s squares over the green Light. That helped. It looked really cool. My unobstructed path beginning in the midst of Holy Light and leading me forward in life..... I could resonate with that.
Now I felt stuck. I sat and looked at the painting so far. My teacher joined me. She had already commented to me that the orange arrow had been removed. I had already put it back up, but with tacks still. We talked about it. I know why I have not glued them. The arrows are pointing in direction. It is a huge commitment to glue them. What if they want to change direction? What if I want to change their direction? She laughed. She reminded me that I have issues with direction and accepting direction in my life, and then with great direction told me GLUE THEM! So, I glued them.
It was okay, but challenging to do. I liked that they were movable. I liked that they could change direction and allow my unconscious to point where I needed to place my attention. But I have to admit, they had not moved or changed direction in a few sessions. I even took down that orange one to preserve it and it went back the same way! The arrows had committed themselves on their own already. I needed to accept that and surrender to that. GLUE THEM!!!
Once done, we began to do the “Name three things you can do to the painting...” exercise. I don’t like this exercise. It requires me to detach from the painting so that I can imagine new things on it. It may even require me to “mess up” the painting even more. I usually resist it. And I did. But my teacher, being wise, pushed hard....
I came to stars. Stars on the painting. Purple.
And here is what happened when I went to do it:
I grabbed the magenta and added a second coat to the path. My teacher stood there next to me and said “Really? I thought you were doing stars....” I know I’m resisting....
But the stars came. I did put them up. They appeared around the vine by the magenta flower. And that is where I left it for now. It is not done yet. I know it. There is still more Light to add in the form of stars. The path is inviting me to attend to it more, to open my heart more, to invite the path to express and manifest Love in that deep Holy Sacred sense.
I feel like the Holy invited me into a physical painting experience of the last step of Welcoming Prayer; “Centering Prayer’s powerful companion piece for turning daily life into a virtually limitless field for inner awakening.” (p135) Welcoming Prayer invites us to break our reaction cycles by taking us to a more spacious inner place so that our unconscious patterns of reaction do not just keep playing themselves out mindlessly.
It happens in three steps: (1) focus and sink into the issue allowing it to embody you; (2) Welcome it, accept it as part of you; and (3) Let it go.
I feel like this Chakra painting experience up to this night of painting was a physical manifestation of the first two steps, sinking into Present ME and welcoming all that is there. This night, was letting go, surrendering to the Holy and the Light of the Universe, allowing it to transform me.
The teacher of Welcoming Prayer would end it with these words:
“I let go of my desire for security and survival.
I let go of my desire for esteem and affection.
I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire to change the situation.”
I let go of MY desire to change this situation.....
No comments:
Post a Comment