Saturday, May 5, 2012

Praying for Resurrection


Two weeks ago my acupuncturist and shaman suggested that I do a spiritual exercise and see what shows up.  She told me to come up with an image and word that captures what I want to manifest in my life.  And then put that image and word everywhere I am, everywhere I look: 
so that I see it every time I turn my head. 
so that it is the first thing I see each morning and last thing I see each night. 
so that it becomes engrained me. 
so that my body embodies that image and word.
so that the word and image sink deep within my soul, all the way to the deepest darkest Shadows.
so that it is always in my thoughts, always in my deeds, always in every thing I manifest in the world.
My life needs to become that word and image.
I jumped into that exercise with full mind, body and spirit.  I created the image.  The word came to me in a dream and I put it on that image right away.  I printed it.  Cut it out.  Plastered it everywhere.  All over my house.  All over my car.  All over my office.  On the pulpit.  On my computer and iPad.  Everywhere.  
Every time I go to do something, it is there.  Resurrection!


When I do the dishes -- Resurrection!
When I drive -- Resurrection!
When I write -- Resurrection!
When I preach and pray -- Resurrection!
What I am learning in this experience is that it is like Jesus’ image of the vine and branches.  
(found in the gospel of John 15: 1-8)  
What do I mean?
I thought my image was going to manifest what I wanted clearly in the world.  But all its done is make everything cloudier, messier, harder to figure out.  
I had a clear thought, a clear prayer.  God, I want this ONE thing.
This is what has happened.  Sometimes when I look at it I pray for that ONE thing. Sometimes B. Sometimes C. Sometimes D.  Sometimes all of them.  Sometimes something completely new that I have never thought of pops into my head and I pray for that.
Really?!.  

I’ve been getting angry at God this week.  Angry because this exercise is backfiring on me.  I am getting more and more unclear on what I want.  I’m getting angry at what is showing up.  I’m resisting.
And that is where the image of Jesus as grape vine and we as the branches comes in.  We want our choices.  We want our wants. 
I want to pastor my dream church.  I want to become a mom.  I want to create and found the Sabbath Center.  I want it all.
Well, apparently, we don’t get that.  Jesus did not say:  “I am whatever you want me to be.  And you can be whatever you want to be: vine, pruner, branch, soil...knock yourself out.”  
No.
No.  Jesus said:  “I am the vine.  God is the vine grower.  You are the branches.”  The casting has already been finalized.  (from Nadia Boltz-Weber's blog The Hardest Question)
I don’t know about you, but I resist this image.  I resist the thought that I am not in complete control of my own destiny  -- that there is a will that God has for me.  I fight it.

What I have learned from this spiritual exercise, from staring at these signs all over my house, my car, my office, my life -- is that the point here is not that we have no control over our lives, that the will of God is greater than our own wants and hopes.  Rather, the point is that this image is inviting us to sink deeply into unity with the Holy -- 
then we will be unable to separate out who gets what credit
and that won’t matter
Grape vines and the branches off of the vines are all tangled and messy and it’s just too hard to know what is what.  Kathryn Matthews Huey, blogger for the UCC’s Sermon Seeds, reminds us that “when we look closely at grape vines, we will see the many entwined branches, winding their way around one another in intricate patterns of tight curls that make it impossible to tell where one branch starts or another one ends. This is not just intricate; it's intimate, and the vine shares with its branches the nutrients that sustain it, the life force of the whole plant.  You will find the best grapes closest to the vine, where the nutrients are the most concentrated.”  (from Kathryn Matthews Huey, United Church of Christ Sermon Seeds, May 6, 2012)

We bear the best fruit when we are entwined and intimate with the Holy; when we abide in the heart of God.  Nancy R. Blakely, in a beautiful pastoral reflection on this text, uses the image of "making a home" to describe how abiding in God brings the peace that we long for in our hearts. This kind of abiding is the way God sustains us and showers us with Shalom: wholeness, completeness, and health. Here, close to the vine, we are immersed in God’s Deep Shalom and find not only nourishment but also hope and joy.  We let God's word find a home in us. We find peace about all the things that we face and all the things that we pray for because "what we want will be what God wants, and it will surely come to pass."  (from Feasting on the Word Year B, Vol. 2 as referenced by Kathryn Matthews Huey in UCC Sermon Seeds, May 6, 2012)
  
At first, it does not feel that way.  When we first begin to give into the presence and love of the Holy, to sink deeper into the heart of God, resistance arises -- the Critic becomes loud -- we struggle.
We struggle because we have been programmed by Western Individualism to believe that we can do it alone, ourselves -- that we need no help.  That is the curse of our culture; the curse of the myth: if you work hard enough you will get everything you want.  This is a lie; a lie that sadly is housed at the very core of our bodies and souls.
Here is where the pruning comes in.   As we sink deeper into the heart of God, as we root our hearts deeper and deeper in that of the Holy’s; The Holy lovingly and carefully prunes all that is extraneous; all that is not in line with Her Sacred Holy Energy.  
It feels like a shaking out of our soul; a finding out what is essential.  (Re-Project Community, reROOT,  April 18, 2012)

It is.  It is a shaking out of our soul.  God is pruning, removing, all that is not of the Holy, all the distractions and resistance that keep us from sinking completely into the heart of the Holy; all those cultural lies that embedded in our bodies and souls.
What I have learned over the last week is that this pruning is painful but redemptive.  God gave me a beautiful image and fabulous word.

Resurrection!

To truly resurrect ourselves, individually and communally, we must 
entwine ourselves fully and completely with the Vine that is the Holy, 
root ourselves deeply in the heart of the Holy
and open ourselves to this painful redemptive pruning.
So that when Spring arrives 
we can
branch out, 
spread our leaves 
grow
and bear beautiful succulent nutritious fruit 
that will bless the world 
and reveal God’s Deep Shalom.

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