This is the second time I painted my Third Eye. The first time was really really rough. I had just completed my Clearness Committee so I figured it was going to flow easily. The Third Eye is after all about vision, intuition, the Big Picture. That is not what happened. I threw a huge temper tantrum on that painting before giving in to what it wanted to tell me. It actually took a friend to point it out to me. “Looks like your pregnant to me.” Hmm....
Now I have repainted most of my chakras a second time. None of them have shown the same themes to me. They have all taken me deeper into the Shadow, asking me to struggle with a different theme and challenge to each Chakra. Opening each one up a little more. Helping me see the connections in the wounds between Chakras.
The Third Eye took a different approach. It is very clear upon what it wants me to pay attention to in my life. I, however, took the wrestling method this night instead of the acceptance method. It took some serious facilitating on the part of my teacher for me to go Oh! and awake to what was right in front of me.
That orange arrow, the one I obsessed on last week, directed me all night long pointing me to where my attention needed to be. I set up my space and grabbed all the leftover paper and arrow and put it in front of my painting. Then I sat and took the painting in, my eye continuing to be drawn to the floor and that orange arrow. I finally picked up the arrow and tacked it on the painting without thought, blank mind. I stood back and looked at where it was pointing.
Ok, that is where I will start. I covered the swirl with orange paint, forming a small orange ball. It struck me that there were four circles in a row and I wondered in my mind what that could mean. I caught myself, before I allowed the story to form. The focus of the evening was not the four circles. No, the focus of the evening was what was happening in the blood red circle. That blood red circle that had been haunting me for weeks, ever since I began to paint my heart chakra.
Notice that the next thing that happened was that the orange arrow changed directions focusing on the blood red circle. And, because I did not want to go there, another arrow showed up to point from the flower to the blood red circle.
My unconscious was not going to be gentle tonight! Bluntness was the key.
So I listened to the arrows. I focused my attention on the blood red circle and it took me to the floor, again. I began with a little bit of white in the center of the spiral working it into the blood red to give it that pink color.
Then the swirl showed up and that was my undoing. That swirl has been a theme for the past week or so in my 40 Day Creative Experiment painting. It has shown up daily for the past 8-10 days. New swirls arrive. Old ones morph into light or something else. But it is a constant theme in that painting.
I resisted at first. And I realize that resistance is futile. The reward, the work is in following the invitation. So I grabbed a crayon and sketched it on the blood red. Then I grabbed teal and began to put it on the painting with my hands. It was not working well. The blood red was bleeding through, so I went to a brush. I painted the teal on, which is very different for me. I added as much paint as I needed to get the swirl to be teal. It needed to touch the edge of the circle, so I worked at widening it. When the swirl had formed, I found myself plastered flat on the floor....for a long time....unable to move...
The red arrow needed to change direction. I was able to do that. Then back to the floor....until my teacher checked in.
Where it is in your body? My belly.
What is the color? blue.
What is the feeling? The only word I had was sadness. But that was not the feeling I was feeling.
She asked me to imagine blue filling up my belly, to allow that blue to fill me up to rest on that “sadness”. Breathe in blue. Then she asked which was stronger sadness or blue? Blue. Sadness was not there.
She asked for a word. And I went Oh!
She asked for clarification and I looked at her. She asked for the word, told me I needed to say it out loud. Pregnant. That was the word.
When I looked at the painting I knew what needed to happen. Twirls needed to happen coming out from the white circle. Twirls needed to happen giving texture to the vine. Twirls needed to arrive and be on the painting. Twirls.
I spent the next period of time, playing with the twirly brush, twirling the paint from my pallet onto the painting. I started with the white circle. Adding more white and twirling it out over the teal. Then I moved to the vine, twirling different shades of green up and down the vine.
I twirled orange on the arrow. I twirled purple on the pink flower. I twirled until I could not twirl anymore, until it was all out of me.
Then I sat back and stared at the painting. The orange circle needed something. I cut out a star and stuck it up without thinking. Ah, there is the star I covered with the pink flower... making one more appearance.
I sat back down and took it in. I began to ponder three things I could do to the painting:
- I could “fix” the vine where it came in contact with the orange circle. That is my Critic and mind at work.
- I could paint it black. That is my internal resistance at work. That is a cope out.
- blank.... I had no third thing. I had no thing I could do to this painting at that moment. But I knew it was not done. I know it has more to teach me. I know there is more to bubble up.
My teacher said to just sit with it. She said this is a slow process. Sometime it takes days for the next bubble to come. Sit with it and be patient.
So, I’m sitting with it.
I’m sitting with this image of pregnancy.
I’m sitting with these arrows directing the movement of the painting.
I’m sitting with the way that the unobstructed pink path morphed into a different image in my heart.
I am sitting and waiting and opening my heart to what is next.... to how the Holy is going to reorder it, open it, transform it...for next is the Crown Chakra.
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